How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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