So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
