sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
