Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Someone shattered a urinal.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
