You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Randomize
