Buhtt sex?
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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