Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
