Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize
