I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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