I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
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i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
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This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize