Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I queefed so loud it echoed.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
