May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
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just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
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Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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