I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
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