He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
