bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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