Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
