You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I love you.
Bad choice
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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