loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
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