i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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