dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
