I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Randomize
