How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize