Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
