I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
