I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
4 words: hood of his car
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
