Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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