He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
where are my eyebrows?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
