There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
