I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
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