It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
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