Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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