Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
