I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
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