its not stalking. its research.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
