Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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