I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Randomize
