is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
