I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
