...so i touched it.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
