My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
