Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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