Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
