why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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