I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
