mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
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