Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
