This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
