I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
