end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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