Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
