Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
