Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Found the puke drawer
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Randomize
