ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
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throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
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When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
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