Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
