I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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