Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
