listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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