note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
