Your face is a jimmy john
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
