Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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