I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
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