fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Who put my cat in the fridge?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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