and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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