do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
