I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Randomize
