I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize