Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Randomize
