In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
