i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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