Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
