i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
