love makes seman taste better
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
