the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
