omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Randomize
